Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Random Pregnancy Thoughts

I'm in the dressing room at Kohl's today after work trying to squeeze my muffing top in some pants and I hear this little girl{I would guess 4 years old-ish} saying, loudly, "Mommmmmyyyyyyyyyyy, you look like a FAT COW".  Silence.  "A fat coooooow, fat cow, you look like a faaaaaaaaaaaat cow".  The mom mummers "stop talking".  The little girl proceeds "but, you look like a fat cow?".  The mom says "stop talking" in the calmest voice enunciating every syllable.  I'm standing in my dressing room one leg in a pant, one leg out, with my mouth gaped open waiting for what happens next completely mortified for this stranger.  The little girl keeps going "you look like a fat cow (now singing it)".  The mom calmly says " like a.....................pretty..............princess".  Again, every syllable enunciated. 

Not looking forward to those moments  : /

I added 'public humiliation' to my list of things I really wasn't ready or aware of before getting knocked up.  What else is on that list you ask....


1. Before I got pregnant, I just knew that I was going to stay in shape.  I was going to eat healthy, excersize 4 times a week, do yoga, and be one smokin' preggo.  Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.  Little did I know {in my first trimester}, by 5:30pm on the ride home my eyes would weight 150 lbs a piece; I would be throwing up by 7pm; I was exhausted and felt like death.  You could not pay me to go to the gym.  I could keep down one thing {before 7pm} = carbs.  So, for the first three months, I ate carbs and was in bed every night by 8pm at the latest. 

2. I would aquire a super human sense of smell.  I can smell a bag of trash from 5 miles away.  Things that wouldn't otherwise have a smell, like my car and house, now totally gross me out.  I hold my breath when I open the pantry, because our trash can is in there and just the thought of that smell makes my stomach turn.  Luckily I figured out that Vicks Vapor Rub and mint gum help tremendously. 

2 1/2. I've heard stories about pregnant lady farts, but I have never in my life smelled anything like the gas that leaks out of my ass these days {mix that with #2 and it's not pretty}.  It makes me nausous and on one occasion, has made me phsycially throw up.  I get seriously pissed off when I fart now, because I have to move locations from wherever I am.  And when I'm in, oh...let's just say the shower, you can't escape.  That smell combined with steam and heat...should be packaged and sold on the black market as a weapon. 

3. Grocery shopping is challanging.  A package of raw meat might as well be a pile of dook in cling wrap for all I'm concerned.  Anything that I've previously hurled up {which is a wide variety} is suddenly not so appealing.  I'm scared to gain any extra weight, so I don't want to load up on junk.  What does that leave you?  Cereal, hummus, and peanut butter and jelly.  I've slowly started adding sandwiches to the list even though I've read that I'm not supposed to eat lunch meat?  I can write a whole other list on what I'm not supposed to do, eat, or feel.

4. There is hope for the I.B.T.C. (itty bitty titty committee) during pregnancy.  Pre-pregnancy, my sad little tots barely fit in a padded A cup.  Now, at 15 weeks, they are full and lucious.  I want to walk around in my new size C bra and a low cut wife beater everywhere I go.  I hope they stay this managable size.  I'm not trying get stretch marks on my goods......

5. You don't go from your normal flat tum to a cute baby belly.  I'm not sure how long the "muffin top stage" of pregnancy lasts, but I'm in full force.  From what I've heard, it might "pop" around 5-6 months.  Maybe sooner.  Right now, I just look like Ive had a really nice Thanksgiving.  I can't fit into my regular pants, but maternity pants are too big.  I'm guessing I will yearn for the body I have now in a couple of months...

6. Speaking of weight.  I guess when you tell people you're pregnant, it is free reign for them to comment and ask you about your weight.  I was part of this club pre-pregnancy too.  Now, I will zip it.  Pregnant or not, no woman wants to hear or answer "How much weight have you gained?" or "You look pregnant today" least not this pregnant woman.

7. The knowledge that there is a human being growing inside you that you and the one you chose to share your life with created a life out of love.  I can't really describe this, but I never knew the feelings that come over me sometimes.  I already feel protective over this little apple in my tum.  I feel connection to it; we share a body--she is where I am all the time.  I talk to her constantly and sometimes I don't even speak a word....



  1. omg, i am LITERALLY in tears(the good kind not ones of pitty or empathy) and im only on no. 5!!!

  2. Ohhh, the wonderful world of pregnancy! We've all been there! Growing a person is not an easy job, and unfortunately, this is only the beginning! Can't wait to read this blog when you are in your third trimester! HAHA!

    The wonderful thing is, when your sweet baby is born and you look at him/her for the first time, non of this will even matter. Extra weight, stretch marks, saggy boobs, a body that will forever have a different shape, etc... Not of that will matter because you will be a mommy. And I must say, there is absolutely NOTHING better than that!

    I had a rough pregnancy. It seemed everything the books say would happen DID! But, I will never forget the first words I spoke after my baby was born. Shawn and I were in tears and I looked at my husband and said, " I can't wait to do this again!"

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